Say It Ain't So

Queen Totti is the master at manipulating. She has utilized her minions to do her evil bidding, in order to make a living at being Royalty. Everything she says must be taken with a grain of salt, but sometimes there is a kernel of truth to her rant.

Frack, of Frick and Frack fame, has a child shacked up with someone who may/may not be committing a felony. Not only are they cohabitating, they are pretending to be parents. Who has offered up their child to perpetuate this practice? Why, none other than Josephine Half-Baked. While she is continually providing evidence that she indeed has her child, she is contradicting Totti's evil accusations that their mother raises her children. But pay close attention to the number of photographs of her son as opposed to the number of photographs of her daughter.

Either everyone is shacked up together in the same house, or Frack's daughter has Josephine's daughter a week at a time. Either situation is less than desirable.

Shhhh can You Hear It?

The sound of camaraderie is quietly wafting through the air. No fights, no arguments, no public outcries of disloyalty. All is well in the kingdom. The reason? Filming has commenced.

Someone forgot to tell Fertile Myrtle that evidence of filming is not to be released to the public, because unwanteds may show up. Radio silence must occur for story lines not to be compromised. She did her best to hide her mistake, but Enlightened Minds screens shotted it.

Ironically, the only ones with missing time segments are Totti, Fertile, and Barbie. Have they managed to kick Josephine and Frick-Frack to the curb? They all despise each other, you know.

Don't count on it. Public feuding = Ratings Bonanza.

Hold Friends Close and Hold Enemies Closer

Dixie Undertire is singing her heart out, preparing for her upcoming Grand Ball gig. She smells blood in the water, so she is busy jockeying for position as the next Royal family member.

You see, Totti is busy behind the scenes, planning the departure of three key figures. Everyone is running a game on each other, and while the three amigos think Totti is just drumming up publicity to increase the Benjamins taken in at the Grand Ball, she is actually having them replaced by three she can control.

If Totti gets her way:

Josephine, Frick, and Frack exit stage left

Fertile Myrtle, Drucilla Dimwitty, and an unknown enter Stage right

Dixie Undertire is doing everything possible to secure the third position. She has tucked MCM away, and is playing nice with Drucilla Dimwitty. Funny thing is, if Dixie knew what Drucilla said about MCM, she would not be quick to side with her.

Will the three amigos see beneath Totti's lame promises that the drama is just for ratings and realize their days are numbered? Will Dixie see through Drucilla? Does Drucilla know that more than two years under the legal age is a felony, and not marriage material?

You Dropped A Bomb on Me, Baby

Josephine Half-Baked has avoided Queen Totti publicly for quite some time. Whether she truly had her feelings hurt by Totti's slight, or the idea that this whole public diss is ratings-orchestrated, Josephine has found solace in the company of others. Namely Frick and Frack Fructose.

Frick and Frack Frutose are the ying and yang of Gypsy royalty. They spend time together without battling, they get attention without having to degrade others, and they seem to generally have fun.

Fun is not in Queen Totti's cards, so their carefree spirits are huge targets for her to attack. The mere fact that they hold court with Josephine is a double whammy, and Totti has declared that they must go. Is this declaration a true dissolution of the Royal family, or is this just a ratings grab?

A Canned Interview

When things seem to be slow in the kingdom, Queen Totti creates drama to draw attention. She tried it with Cinderella, basically making a mockery of Cinderella's relationship in the public eye to garner sympathy. When Cinderella's life was stable, and she had actually started a family, Totti dropped her like a hot rock to find other suckers to wrangle.

Totti has gone on a public rampage, badmouthing her royal family members with insults about parenting and partying. Her new topic of the day is Drucilla, because she is the only other person who will converse with her.

But the biggest ruse of all is the lie the kingdom is asked to believe about the Royal family at this very moment. Each plays a character, such as Drucilla being the party girl, and it is quickly becoming apparent that their acting ability garners no academy awards.

Don't you find it strange that Josephine Half-Baked doesn't speak up for herself when Queen Totti badmouths her publicly? Josephine, who is no stranger to arguments, has not made one comment in regards to the public humiliation Queen Totti has dished to her. In fact, none of the other family members have uttered a peep in self defense.

This show is their livelihood, and is dependent upon viewers. The Grand Ball is coming up soon, and any publicity is good publicity. Are we the ones getting the wool pulled over our eyes? Have any Enlightened Ones noticed this odd behavior?

We Don't Need No Fabrication

War has broken out in the Royal family. Queen Totti is playing the blame game, and no one is immune.  Except Drucilla Dimwitty.

Drucilla, fresh off the stage from her Crazy Train concert, has suddenly been cast in the role of "Mother Teresa" by Queen Totti. Look up perfect mother in the dictionary, and Totti has forced the publisher to place Drucilla's photo.

And where does the blame lie? Smack on the shoulders of Josephine Half-Breed and her cousins.

Anyone and everyone that will listen is bombarded with a full on assault of punctuationless Royal edicts penned by the Queen. She only preys upon those she feels are weak, instead of Conversating with The Enlightened Ones.

The Queen has pronounced Drucilla as Mother of the Year, and it must be true, because she doesn't fabricate the truth.

Everyone Wants The Truth But No One Wants To Be Honest

Last night, one of the Grand Ball preliminary events took place. Only parts of the Royal Family were present, but they were definitely enough. Drucilla Dimwitty, Queen Totti's fierce protector, showed a less than scrupulous demeanor. That is the nicest thing I can say about her behavior.

Meanwhile, everyone's wild child, Josephine Half-Baked, was the calm and courteous one. She was well behaved, and was a saint compared to Drucilla.

Today, members of the kingdom had sordid opinions about Drucilla's antics. Many pointed out that Josephine had matured, but Drucilla had digressed into a royal embarassment. Yet, Queen Totti was quick to correct people's comments with her own version of reality.

Yes, Queen Totti threw Josephine Half-Baked under the bus, and insisted that Drucilla had actually transformed into a wonderful mother. If anything, Josephine's current behavior was worse than Drucilla's behavior that was displayed at the preliminary event.

Does Josephine know about Queen Totti's betrayal? Would Josephine like to have proof of such scandalous claims?

Grand Ball and the Cancellation Threat

Queen Totti's plan to stir up interest in the Grand Ball by way of controversy has backfired, and the party is under threat of cancellation if things do not improve.

The discord between Totti and he royal family has reach a fevered pitch, and the court Lords have informed Queen Totti to fix it, or else. It seems as if the Royal family (Josephine, etc.) refuse to partake in precipitous photo ops, leaving the fate of the Grand Ball in peril.

With everything crumbling around her, Queen Totti has begun a campaign of sympathy and good will. Is it a little too little too late? Or will Ambassador Totti garner the good graces of family members she eagerly portrayed as foolish just a few weeks ago?

Totti wishes she had not bitten the hand that fed her, and her forlorn tales of woe to elicit sympathy are falling upon deaf ears. The Enlightened Ones are casting light into every corner, and making sure they lengthen everyone's short memory span. Is it time to elect a new Queen?

Dixie Undertire and her MCM

Dixie is so excited to debut her new and improved image, because she's got something to prove to the royal family. Queen Totti and Josephine's snubs still smart, and she has worked hard to correct every flaw they pinpointed. Why, she even secured a MCM to be by her side, forever and ever amen.

Dixie's MCM is quite a looker, but his pedigree leaves much to be desired. Yet the happiness apparent between the two of them bodes of truthful love. MCM appears to genuinely care for Dixie, and his new life with her on the road sure beats his previously tenancy in his mother's basement.

Islands in the stream, that is what they are..

Beat Them At Their Own Game

The Invitations are being sent and all are urged to prepare for the Grand Ball. Time is growing near, so proclamations of beauty and well-being from past gatherings are running in episodic nausea all through the kingdom. Remember how lovely and wonderful it felt to witness the perfection of royal lives? Yeah, I don't either.

The kingdom's awareness has grown so much that I must now bestow them with a title: The Enlightened Ones. 

The Enlightened Ones are joining forces to rise against the tide of malarkey flowing through the royal streets. Together, they control the fate of the Court. The Royal Game has shifted, and strengths will now be exploited as weaknesses. The Enlightened Ones will be making key moves in the next few days, and only time will tell if their plot is successful.

Love and devotion will be bestowed by The Enlightened Ones upon Josephine Half-Baked through likes and comments of encouragement. The Enlightened Ones know that beauty is found in the eyes of the beholders, and their adornment of Josephine in the Queen's face will incite a jealousy that will burn bright.  Josephine is no saint, but her misdeeds have always been at the detriment of herself, and not at other's expense. 

Let the games begin.

Benjamins Baby

We haven't heard much from Josephine Half-Baked lately. After her official banishment from the kingdom, she has worked hard on cleaning up the damage she still lays claim to. What once was old has now become new, and her public social circle has slightly shifted. Or so it seems...

The Grand Ball of Spring is only days away, and so royalty has began the preparations for the great exhibition. After all, if the kingdom does not attend, the rule of the elite shall wither away. Forgiveness is being touted wherever one looks, but the underground forgiveness took place long before. In fact, the kingdom is unaware that the Grand Ball has already begun, with the jousting and tangling set forth in motion to get the attention of the people. So much preparation must occur in order to guarantee the financial success of the official commencement.

Give the people what they want, but activate the dog and pony show in order for the people to want to attend. It's all about the Benjamins, baby.

Stitches and Snitches: Fertile Myrtle

All the world is a stage, and dragging in other characters to stab each other in the heart is the name of the game.

Fertile Myrtle: Enter stage left

Fertile Myrtle has been blessed with beauty, and has a bevy of suitors crediting that fact. Fertile Myrtle has had men in her life, but her love of the chase has eliminated any hope of long term commitment. Fertile Myrtle has entered into the grand kingdom with a defined purpose: join Queen Totti's team and take down Josephine.

Fertile Myrtle is beguiling as much as she is beguiled: holding her attention to any task not directly related to the opposite sex will prove taxing to Queen Totti McStotty. However, Totti will do whatever it takes to make Fertile Myrtle her gladiator. She has lost all of her other protectors, some through no fault of her own.

Meany Bigmouth is lying low and polishing her new image sans Totti.

Drucilla Dimwitty's thinly veiled public relations spin has turned into a tornado, spotlighting her ridiculous attempts at being noble.

Will Fertile Myrtle prove to be a valuable asset to Queen Totti? Or will Fertile Myrtle hear the gentleman nymph's siren and quickly go back to her "lover not a fighter" stance?

Game, Set, and Close to Match

After volleying back and forth for almost two days, Josephine Half-Baked is showing signs of fatigue. She is making careless mistakes, and Queen Totti is taking full advantage.

You could say Josephine is growing soft, her swings not packed with as much power. Being pitted against someone with whom your loved ones side is leaving Josephine feeling vulnerable. She would like to halt the game right now, but she is forced to continue playing. Attention, after all, is the ultimate goal.

Totti McStotty smells the chum in the water, and knows victory is within her grasp. Calculating Josephine's mistakes, Totti has now flipped to aggressor. Queen Totti sensed the ensuing backlash from the fans when she took a calculated predatory stance; hence, NOBODY likes a MEANY. Queen Totti has taken advantage of Josephine's clumsiness and repositioned herself into her greatest role yet.

And the Oscar for best performance of a Lead Actress playing the part of a VICTIM goes to...

Tennis is the Sport of Champions

Tennis has never been a sport I enjoyed watching. Back and forth, back and forth, it grows monotonous watching two people swing it out until one slips up. I am sure Tennis is a mighty fine sport to play, but watching it reminds me of summers in my youth spent watching gross grow.

Queen Totti and Josephine Half-Baked are both pros at Tennis. They enjoy swinging the ball into each other's courts while loyal subjects look on. Any attention is grand attention, and the loud cry of their fans makes it all worthwhile.

But Totti McStotty and Josephine have an ulterior game going on parallel to their expert tennis ball volleys. Both realize that if society keeps watching them go back and forth, they will also tune in when Totti and Josephine host their next huge gala in the spring. Out of sight, out of mind... And any publicity is GOOD publicity.

So while the world is watching their heated games of Tennis, they will be more likely to attend the Spring Ball.

Attention = Money

It is Lonely on the Throne

Queen Totti McStotty draws strength from the throngs of adoring followers who worship her every move. It is rumored that E.F. Hutton takes tips from Queen Totti. She is THAT good.

Today, Queen Totti has noticed a huge dent in her shiny, rhinestone-studded crown. No matter how much she polishes, nor the number of excuses she makes, her crown is no longer the vision of beauty it once was.  Even drudging the court jester's character through the mud cannot negate the obvious attention her dented crown is garnering.

Having torched the bridge to Meany Bigmouth's house, Queen Totti is left in a bind.

Queen Totti McStotty is running out of visible allies. She is desperate, and desperate times call for desperate measures.

Enter Drucilla Dimwitty. Queen Totti knows Drucilla's reputation is tarnished, at best. But desperation is the mother of flawed invention. Drucilla Dimwitty has been summoned to stand in the grand vestibule of Totti's estate. Drucilla Dimwitty, true to form, has begun attacking those challenging the livelihood of Queen Totti. Those attacks include the threat of beheading to Josephine Half-Baked, and if her bark was less than her bite, Josephine would awaken from her slumber and take sword in hand.

A cleaning campaign of Drucilla's character has begun. Remind the loyal subjects of Drucilla Dimwitty's devotion to all things good and pure, Queen Totti has commanded. Bequeath the royal subjects'  personal artifacts, like photos of children and gifts, to restore faith in the ruling elite.

Will Drucilla Dimwitty rescue Queen Totti? Or will her shady past come to haunt Drucilla's time in the sun? Drucilla and Queen Totti stand united in common enemy, but is that enough to preserve their relationship?

Josephine Half-Baked and her Mea Culpa

Oh Josephine, you truth spouting faucet.

If only people were able to enjoy the juicy information you are starting to give.

Josephine Half-Baked's delicious, salacious offerings are like trying to find a Picasso in the middle of  a room full of hotel wall art.  If there weren't so many pictures to sift through....

Stitches and Snitches: Josephine Half-Baked

Josephine Half-Baked leaves a trail of victims in her dust. She was eager to play the role that had been established for her: resident train wreck. However, Josephine Half-Baked was never one to be upstaged by the likes of any friend or foe.

One can't help but love Josephine, even in light of all of her despicable decisions. She is not afraid to admit (most of) her faults, and she has had to pick herself up by her bootstraps to carry on many times. Josephine Half-Baked was not dealt a winning hand of cards in life, which only makes her more appealing. We can forgive Josephine Half-Baked for most of her dirty deeds, because she simply did not know any better.

Royalty had pretty much dismissed her danger level, because no one ever took Josephine seriously. The court jester was only there to make people laugh. But while everyone was busy talking as if Josephine was passed out in the room, she was collecting important information that could ruin the royalty's good name and reputation.

Josephine Half-Baked is about to deliver a huge plot twist. Never underestimate the jester.