Introducing: Patsy Whine

Queen Totti is ignoring my offer to prove her gypsy heritage, so please forward this post to her so she can see I am willing to pay to prove she is truly a royal, via Jack Pearce.

Patsy Whine is related to the Queen indirectly, but has more Royal blood in her big toe than Queen Totti has in her whole body.

Patsy Whine is perfectly willing to steal Dixie Undertire's crooning thunder. She has been more successful, actually singing for audiences NOT from the front seat of her car.

But Patsy Whine has a little bit of a pitch problem; Little being relative to a little leak at the Japanese nuclear reactor plant.

Patsy has figured out how to solve her problem. One of her latest videos has her singing a cover song, and the performance is actually pretty good, if you close your eyes.

About one minute into the song, it becomes apparent that Patsy Whine is not trying to eat the microphone, but instead use it to hide her mouth. It is her voice singing, but she is definitely not doing a live performance.

Patsy has prerecorded her track, and the reason it sounds as if she can actually sing is due to the "auto tune" feature that corrects your pitch.

Most will be fooled by Patsy Whine's cover, or should I say "cover up." But then again, when the ruling Royal has no Royal blood in her veins, does it really matter that the Royal singer can't really sing?

Hold Friends Close and Hold Enemies Closer

Dixie Undertire is singing her heart out, preparing for her upcoming Grand Ball gig. She smells blood in the water, so she is busy jockeying for position as the next Royal family member.

You see, Totti is busy behind the scenes, planning the departure of three key figures. Everyone is running a game on each other, and while the three amigos think Totti is just drumming up publicity to increase the Benjamins taken in at the Grand Ball, she is actually having them replaced by three she can control.

If Totti gets her way:

Josephine, Frick, and Frack exit stage left

Fertile Myrtle, Drucilla Dimwitty, and an unknown enter Stage right

Dixie Undertire is doing everything possible to secure the third position. She has tucked MCM away, and is playing nice with Drucilla Dimwitty. Funny thing is, if Dixie knew what Drucilla said about MCM, she would not be quick to side with her.

Will the three amigos see beneath Totti's lame promises that the drama is just for ratings and realize their days are numbered? Will Dixie see through Drucilla? Does Drucilla know that more than two years under the legal age is a felony, and not marriage material?

Cat Scratch Fever

Drucilla Dimwitty is trying her best to clean up her image. The recent needle photos did not make Mommy Dearest happy, and everyone knows not to anger the Queen.

Drucilla has appealed to Queen Totti for help. It seems as if we have a good old cat fight on our hands, because Drucilla has decided she wants MCM to herself. Queen Totti is only too happy to oblige, because MCM happens to be on the right side of 18.

Only one obstacle stands in Drucilla's was to finding her heart's true desire, and that is "Kick Them In The See You Next Tuesday" Dixie Undertire. However, Totti has a plan, and it just makes get work.

Will Drucilla find happiness? Or is Dixie Undertire ready for a rumble?

Dixie Undertire and her MCM

Dixie is so excited to debut her new and improved image, because she's got something to prove to the royal family. Queen Totti and Josephine's snubs still smart, and she has worked hard to correct every flaw they pinpointed. Why, she even secured a MCM to be by her side, forever and ever amen.

Dixie's MCM is quite a looker, but his pedigree leaves much to be desired. Yet the happiness apparent between the two of them bodes of truthful love. MCM appears to genuinely care for Dixie, and his new life with her on the road sure beats his previously tenancy in his mother's basement.

Islands in the stream, that is what they are..

Headlining The Bash: Dixie Undertire

Any great party is enhanced by good music, and the Grand Ball is no exception. Royalty was lucky enough to book Dixie Undertire, a local artist in hot demand. Dixie can croon with the greatest of country stars, although her best performances are in a moving vehicle with the radio blasting.

Queen Totti was unsure whether Dixie would attend because of an unfortunate snub during a previous celebration. Dixie Undertire, sensing that her charitable act may lead down the road to Benjamin Boulevard, deemed Totti's invitation as a public apology for her former embarrassment.

Dixie Undertire is getting back in good graces, erasing the target she has been wearing around her neck. It's all about the Benjamin's baby!